Looking for a special song for your loved one’s funeral and coming up shorthanded? As someone who often oversees multiple funerals per day, I get it, we are all tired of the same tunes too. Times are changing and many families don’t want to sit through yet another rendition of Amazing Grace—they need a song that they can relate to, that speaks to their culture, their generation, and their experiences. It can be hard to connect to songs that feel they were written ages ago by people who couldn’t understand you less. Collected here are some songs by queer artists that, either modern or classic, speak to our search for a funeral song that hits just right.
“Miss You So Much” by Miley Cyrus
Outspoken member and advocate for the LGBTQIA+ community, Miley Cyrus penned this song about someone close to her experiencing the death by overdose of their partner. In an interview about the song, she mentions that she also took inspiration from her aging grandmother, from whom she draws so much love and support. Realizing that there is going to be a time when she no longer has her physically present, she understood how we can miss someone despite them still being here. The song’s lyrics hit hard on how those of us left behind feel like we can’t go on, despite knowing that we physically can.
“Seasons of Love” by The Cast of Rent
Recently suggested to me by a fellow funeral director as the one song she wants played at her funeral, this song, from the queer classic Rent, is perfect if you are looking for an upbeat vibe. I can picture this being played at a celebration of life event because that is exactly what the song is about. Seasons of Love delves into how we often focus on things that don’t matter in our everyday lives, but when someone dies, we want to try and quantify them, but often fall short. When reflecting on the life of someone we’ve lost, how better to measure it, than in how much love surrounded them.
“The Show Must Go On” by Queen
Forever our queen, Freddie Mercury croons in this classic rock song about how society expects us to just carry on despite how much our hearts might be breaking. When Freddie died at the age of 45 from health complications resulting from AIDS, hearts broke across the world. His own words helped us go on without him, reminding us that his soul was painted like a butterfly as he flew away from us forever. Before his death, Freddie told his manager “You can do what you want with my music, but don’t make me boring!” Play this song for the funeral of those beautiful souls that could never, ever be boring.
“Because of the Shame” by Against Me!
Sometimes we don’t know what we owe each other in life, a feeling that can be ever further complicated when someone dies. This ballad by groundbreaking trans artist, Laura Jane Grace, is about exactly those times when it’s difficult to know what to do because the reality of that person, or your relationship with them was complex. So many of the lines describe very real experiences of grief, like the detached and unreal quality of the past while thinking about our relationship with the person, and the difficulty of being around other—perhaps closer—friends and family. She ends the song with a heartbreakingly beautiful and sincere hope that nothing she ever said caused them any pain.
“The Promise” by Tracy Chapman
Gentle and comforting, this sweet song by lesbian singer-songwriter, Tracy Chapman, asks us to hold a place for our loved ones forever in our hearts. No matter how much space and time is between us, we can always keep the ones we love inside our hearts and return to them whenever we need their warmth, love, and comfort. Tracy’s soft guitar and soothing voice let us know that while those we love might be gone, we can still fill our grieving hearts, singing, “if you think of me, if you miss me once in a while, then I’ll return to you and fill that space in your heart.” This song is sure to bring forth all the cherished memories shared with those we have loved and lost.
