Today is International Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day meant to memorialize and remember trans and gender non-conforming people whose lives have been taken by acts of anti-transgender bigotry and violence. TDOR, as it is often abbreviated, was founded in 1999 by trans advocate Gwendolyn Ann Smith as a way to honor the memory of Rita Hester, a transgender woman of color who was murdered in Boston, Massachusetts, the year before. Rita’s story is infuriatingly common, and her community spent enormous amounts of time and energy ensuring that her life and identity were respectfully covered by the news media. Her murder case has yet to be solved, and although Rita’s legacy is now painted on the walls of the city as a beautiful mural, it is perhaps a cold comfort to her community that has fought so hard and seen so little justice.
If you or someone you love happens to be a member of the trans and gender non-conforming community, today is a difficult day. Memorial gatherings and candlelight vigils abound, which are a beautiful way for the community to come together and receive much needed grief support. But they are simply not enough. In the face of the incoming regime here in the US, after an election season which intentionally inflamed the already vitriolic MAGA crowd into a state of anti-trans hysteria that swept the nation—those of us in or close to the trans community know that things are about to get so much worse. We do not have the privilege to be shocked by the election results or the intentions of these bigots to legislate trans people out of existence. All the rhetoric they use to whip people up into a fervor isn’t new and it is only going to continue. We need more than memorial videos and tearful gatherings to combat the cause of this deep, disenfranchised grief. We need action and we need more than allies—we need accomplices.
“Being an accomplice to trans women means holding other cis women accountable for their transphobia in public and in private. Many cis women are willing to condemn transphobia when no one else is watching, when it is easy, and think that makes them a good ally. We must continue to take it a step further and condemn transphobia publicly, even when it means you may lose power or social capital.”
-Nakisha M. Lewis
From Ally to Accomplice: A Call To Action For Cisgender Women
It is not enough to slap a “Love is Love” sticker on your car and go about your day. Political is personal—on election day and every single day. If you think it isn’t, you need to check your privilege right now. We do not have the luxury of “not being political” or agreeing to disagree when one side believes trans people should be forcibly outed, detransitioned, imprisoned, and/or put to death. As the second Trump administration takes shape, we can expect to see reiterations of his previous policies, such as repealing protections for trans patients seeking healthcare and marginally housed trans people in need of emergency shelter. This isn’t extrapolation, he has been exceedingly clear about his intentions for a targeted onslaught of basic rights and protections for trans and other LGBTQIA+ identities. His disciples across the country are continuing their work to enshrine anti-trans legislation like bathroom bans and “Don’t Say Gay” policies in schools, which intentionally limit access to queer and trans youth trying to learn about themselves and people like them.
Civil rights groups are already bracing for impact as Trump amasses a cavalcade of bigots for his cabinet and other government appointments. This will be exacerbated by total control of all three branches of our government by the GOP as six of the nine Supreme Court justices were tapped by Republican presidents, and conservatives will hold majorities in both houses of congress for the first time since 2016. They will have the power to enact their far-right Christian theocratic agenda. These policies and the hateful culture which has created them are causing and will cause more deaths. Not only deaths by violence, but also suicides as the social, psychological, and physical strain of existing as trans in America becomes too heavy to bear. As both someone whose profession is founded upon caring for the dead with compassion and someone who has many trans and nonbinary people in their life whom they love—I am both heartbroken and filled with rage.
We are a small team here at Equal Deathcare, but I speak for all of us when I say that we will never stop fighting alongside the trans and gender nonconforming community. We will advocate for you in every space that we are in, personal and professional, and we will keep doing this work. Because community is how we move forward, how we protect each other and ourselves in a world full of so much hate. Our responsibility to each other doesn’t end on election day. We are stronger together.
To every trans person reading this: you are a vital and beautiful part of this world, and we love you so much.
To our fellow cisgender readers: get educated, get involved, and get some fucking skin in the game. It is vital that we put ourselves directly into the fight. Start volunteering your time, knowledge, energy, and resources for local trans organizations. Listen to what they need and follow their lead—being an accomplice isn’t being a savior. Stop ignoring the anti-trans rhetoric and violence—call out bigotry because we are in a safer position to do so than trans people themselves and we must leverage that privilege.
Please read my previous article Death Without Deadnames to learn how you can protect trans identities and legacies at end-of-life and in death as well as Jennifer’s article Election Results and LGBTQIA+ Deathcare for a Q&A style breakdown of upcoming concerns for queer deathcare. You can also find many affirming providers and other resources by visiting our Resources map and if you don’t find anything in your area, please reach out to us and we will help you locate the services you need.
I have so many more words, but they all feel inadequate. So, as I learned in mortuary school, when words aren’t enough, have a ritual. Today I will look at the faces of the dead, speak their names, and listen to the song of their lives. I will remember them and in doing so, honor them with my actions today and every day. I want to leave you with a poem by Alok Vaid-Menon and the hope that you, like them, will remain incorrigible.
the body is not a fleshy prison for the spirit.
we transcend the arbitrary boundaries drawn around our skin.
we are so much more than the physical.
our bodies are just mere suggestions, not ordained truths.
truth is polyamorous. time is, too,
we are connected to the past, the future, the present,
the people we are, the people we love, the world that surrounds us, is us.
invisibility is not an objective state, it is a lack of ambition.
just because you don’t see us as us doesn’t mean we are not real.
reality surpasses vision.
our imagination is malnourished by a world that limits our potential to our ability to work + not our ability to love,
one that relegates dreaming to our sleeping.
what if we were to dream while awake?
the hyper individuation of the west crumbles beneath our feet + in our lungs.
we desire past the confines of the now.
we reject their reason, and instead we are honest — painfully so — in our feelings.
that behind every fact is a carousel of feelings.
behind every law is a panic attack.
behind every judge, and every doctor, and every politician is a broken heart.
we yearn desperately for an otherwise.
we begin that otherwise by surrendering to the complexity of ourselves + everyone around us.
we use science to appreciate our potential, not restrict it.
biology proliferates not imprisons.
the natural disposition of the world is infinity.
we are oriented towards multifaceted universes that exist beyond comprehension.
we resist being known, we insist on being experienced regardless of reason.
there are as many ways to exist as there are existences.
everything lives: the stone beneath our feet, the clouds above us. nothing dies — it just transforms. it goes elsewhere.
we are the descendants of elsewhere. star dust, skin cells, stray dreams.
we spill outside of the containers they filter us through.
we remain incorrigible, impure, and delightfully contaminated.
porous + welcoming of all the transitions, the refugees, the becomings, the future, the now.
